I remember being so ambitious in college. Full of energy, ideas, inspiration... being a go getter. College for me was only 2 years ago so, why do I feel like the complete anti-thesis of my go getting days? It's amazing how much can change in 2 years. I graduated college and landed a job at NBC as a part-time production assistant, within three months I became a full time web producer and who would have known that nine-months later I would get laid off.
In this kind of economy being a person who got laid off is like being a pumpkin in a pumpkin patch in the middle of October. So now I have been "laid off" from a "real" job for about, oh... 9 months. I decided to look at my sudden availability as an excuse to enjoy and take the summer off. So, I've been doing so while working part-time as a bartender. Granted being a bartender has the great perk of making cash at the end of the night and I'm making more in 7 hours bartending than in one week of work at NBC. But, as I get a little older, I'm beginning to realize my patience and tolerance with people is not what it once was. Did I lose that along with my motivation and ambition during my college days? I don't know. All I know is the fall is quickly approaching and I feel like I'm beginning to have a melt down. I've never felt so lost. I was always the girl who knew exactly what she wanted and was already 5 steps ahead in going towards it. But, I guess once I got out into the "real world" I started to experience and learn more about what I DON'T want out of a career, instead of finding something that kept me interested. I don't want a job that's going to keep me cooped up in an office for 10 to 12 hours each day. I have an amazing boyfriend and an incredible family who I enjoy spending time with. Why would I want to substitute that time to make someone else richer, meanwhile I get to watch the hundreds of dollars taken out of my measly paycheck every week?
I'm a very bright girl (too bright to be a bartender for the rest of my life,) a quick learner and always eager to learn more (maybe its my Sagittarius sign) but, It seems that everything I was so eager about doing and worked so hard towards, has lost its luster and I can't find anything to replace it. Everyday I feel like I've developed a different life plan only to realize I have no idea how to go about it. No form of guidance and no one to really learn from. It's hard making all the mistakes yourself, and honestly I don't have the riches or the life span to make them all myself.
I know I'm not the only one who feels or has felt this way, any words of wisdom?
if it makes you feel better i thought by the time i graduated college i would have somehow changed the world. I have fallen two years behind.
ReplyDeleteKeep going- keep pushing and it will happen. I am currently in the same position as you! got laid off from a great job that I had since I started my soph year in college! Now I work as a full time dental assistant and going to night (grad) school for african american literature. I know its cliche but this too shall pass. DO NOT FEEL LIKE YOU'RE worth less than you did a year or two ago! everyone has their time to shine as well as the time where you feel as if all you can do is hide. There is no shame or loss in being unemployed- be thankful that we do not have children, difficult obligations that our current jobs would not even come close to supporting. You are fabulous and you've accomplished more than most girls our age do. Just keep swimming ;-) you will shine again.
ReplyDeletexox
Jessica, you said it beautifully. Last year I was exactly where you are today. I went on a social hiatus and hid from the word because I felt worthless. I was letting my career define who I was instead of letting ME define myself. So I say to you, don't let your career define you.
ReplyDeleteYou're making great $$ right now as a bartender. That's awesome. At the end of the day, that's what it all comes down to really: the money. So screw your "title" and who you work for as long as you're doing well. And in the meantime, keep working on building your own skills and think of ways to work for yourself instead of these corporate companies who only care about themselves! :) - Mercedes, www.BeChicMag.com
Jess, I know exactly how you feel. In undergrad I had my whole life planned out, unfortunately things didn't work out as I expected and I spent a lot of time wondering what my next step should be. Then, I was offered a wonderful opportunity to intern, however I loss that internship through no fault of my own (they stated I lied on the polygraph test about something I didn't...) and I was back in square one. Each time I thought the stars were aligned in my direction, something happened which changed the course of my "career" dramatically. Just keep an open mind and you'll find something eventually... You'll be surprised how opportunities come when you least expect it! And with your sparkling personality there's no reason you shouldn't find something you truly enjoy and win over the bosses at that job :-D
ReplyDeleteEveryone gets stuck. At my orientation for grad school last week, one of the speakers said it perfectly, "This is your first day of disorientation." Bascially she was telling us that even though we are on the path towards our futures, every step will face uncertainty.
I think this is probably the best time to be unemployed-- as one of your friends commented- you are young, healthy and don't have to worry about raising a family. I personally think the fact that you're worried about this is a great thing. It shows your not willing to settle for something mediocre. You want to strive for something more... and I'm sure you'll get to where-ever you want to be :-D