We all go to school from the time we are tots to learn how to share with others, how to socialize and eventually how to portray ourselves in a professional manner when it comes to entering the "real world." Pretty much elementary through high school is a period in time where along with history and math we also learn how to avoid acting like complete assholes in society.
But, as most of you know I have been bartending for almost six years and I have met some unbelievable characters in the bar/club scene (as I'm sure you can imagine.) You've got the snob, the pervert, the obnoxious one, etc. etc. And over the years I have developed some bar scene pet peeves. For my fellow friends who also bartend I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!
(FYI: I am relating my pet peeves with my experience in the nightlife atmosphere not the restaurant industry.)
WINE: Look, I enjoy a nice glass of Chianti or Pinot Noir to go along with my braised short ribs just as much as Luciano Pavarotti enjoyed the Opera. But, when you enter a club or a lounge they are not serving short ribs or homemade Pappardelle or any kind of veal so don't expect the bartender to pull out a nice bottle of Ruffino for you. Just know that if you do have to order wine, you will most likely get what's better know as the "shit" wine (you know the stuff chef's cook with but would never serve by the glass.) And, it will most likely be served in plastic cup (so classy!) But, before you protest and shout that you could never drink wine from a plastic cup, just remember where you are. Mario Batali is not in the kitchen, there aren't any white linen table cloths to be seen. You are in a bar/lounge/club (BLC.) You want to know why most BLC owners do not permit glassware?
We all know how people get when they've had a little too much to drink. Either they are too touchy, feely telling you how much they love you or... they are ready to throw punches @ the first guy who accidentally bumps into him. Before you know it, that nice glass of shit wine you're drinking turns into a weapon. So, the bottom line is if you all you can handle to drink is wine, then if you're going to a BLC try and order it as a spritzer and salute to your plastic cup.
OPEN BAR: This is my favorite. Hey, especially in a recession I enjoy happy hours and open bars as much as the next guy. I mean a cheap buzz is just as much fun as a pricey one. But... oh how I especially love the people who think nothing of starting their night out super early to take advantage of the free liquor... they drink for free all night (or at least get as many shots as they can into their system before the open bar times out) and then they don't even leave a tip.
(PAUSE) ARE YOU F@*#%&! KIDDING ME?!
All because you don't need to dig into your pockets to pay for your drink doesn't mean that frees you from tipping. Granted, tipping is supposedly "optional." Granted, if the bartender is nasty then why should you leave a tip. But, it's those people who refuse to tip simply because they wanna have a night out without spending a dime.
Think about it, if you are going to be really taking advantage of an open bar then tip the bartender $20 for the whole open bar session. It only cost you 20 bucks for a few hours of drinking, and the bartender will make sure to take care you since you took care of them. Maybe even pour a little more vodka in that drink.
However, if you're not the heavy drinking type then leave a 5 for your first and last round of drinks. $5 is usually cheaper than one drink in New York and $5 is more than appreciated for a round of 2-3 drinks. So, come on! Don't be the cheap bastard who drinks all night for free and then can't even layout $5 as a token of appreciation. After all...most bartenders work off tips and only make $4.25 an hour from their boss.
BOTTLED H2O: I think this is something that needs to get cleared up.
I know, I know... you go to a nightclub and order a bottle of water and they charge you anywhere between 4 and 8 bucks for it. I agree it is expensive. Restaurants and most bars have no problem giving you a drink of water for free. But, in a nightclub it is a different story. Bartender's are simply not allowed to give anyone water (unless of course the person is completely annihilated, then they'll give you anything to prevent you from vomitng on their bar.) Anything that goes over the bar most be paid for, and they are being watched ALL night.
Most nightclubs, especially the big ones are paying up to $30,000 that night for the DJ alone! Not to mention promoters, security, etc. So, they need to make a profit anyway and anywhere they can and this includes water. So, please don't fight the bartender about the injustice of the price or, for denying you your tap H2O and try to be a little more understanding or you will just be ignored.
PAPARAZZI: It seems as though ever since the evolution of camera phones, it's like every Tom, Dick and Harry think they're a photographer. I can't tell you how many times I'll be in the middle of concocting 4 or 5 drinks at a time and I see the little white flash in my peripheral vision from some jerk off's camera phone on the other side of the bar. WTF?!?!
I didn't realize I was such a celebrity with paparazzi in my presence. If that's the case then what the hell am I doing behind a bar and not chilling by my pool on some remote island? I can see how someone trying to take my picture could be considered a compliment but, I think it's just rude and obnoxious. So cut the shit, order your drink and save your pictures for people who you actually know, and not complete strangers behind the bar.
=)
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